...slow day in the engineering Office?

...just come up with a new screwhead!



German wiring. 


...not German wiring (although it looks like the back of a VW Bug dashboard), but I'm pretty sure it didn't come from Wolfsburg like that!
Someone's explanation why AMP Meteres are dangerous and no longer installed.





Son:  Daddy, what's "turbo lag"?

Dad:  Well son, it's like this...: 






...women are so funny sometimes...!



I guess one could plumb 10 exhaust pipes to 6 cylinders, but how can it be Fuel Injected and have 3 Webers at the same time?
[Maybe they are in a box in the trunk!]


Filed under:  Yeah, that's what I want to drive...not! 


...one of the funniest things I've ever seen: 



Memorable Quotes from the garage:

When I want the best crimped connection I can get ...I solder it!  [Ron K.]

Volts, Amps...what's the difference!  [Credit to another mechanic working with Dan. S]

 From citroen-ds forum:
"werkstatthandbuch lesen hält mich nur vom arbeiten ab!"  Translation:  Reading the workshop manual only keeps me from working!


  Clarkson is Right! 

...here's the physics explanation:

Other Jeremy Clarkson quotes:

1. “I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.”

2. [On the Porsche Boxster] “It couldn’t pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.”

3. [When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel] “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.”

4. “I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.”

5. “Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s what gets you.”

6. “Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what… being stabbed?”

7. [On Detroit] “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.”

8. “Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.”

9. [On the Renault Clio V6] “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

10. [On the Enzo Ferrari] “I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.”

11. [On the Porsche Cayenne] “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

12. “The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.”

13. “Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.”

14. “If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.”

15. “That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.”

16. [On a Chevrolet Corvette] “The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

17. [On the Alfa Romeo Brera] “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

18. “A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.”

19. “This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!’”

20. “In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.”

21. [On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG] “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

22. “I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.”

23. “Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.”

24. “Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.”

25. “I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?”



Driving my California White Amazon makes me sing too!


Here's what I want for Christmas:  A do it yourself Amazon kit.



¯"I wanna be Bobby's girl!"¯
...and BTW, I love my new lift-and-separate-rocket-bra!"



...when the puller finally releases a stuck a rear drum....or
hey, I take it back about wanting to borrow your SVO 12 83...


François:  Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?
Clouseau:  The exploding kind!


A similar look is what most people get from the (summer help maybe) guy behind the counter at their automotive parts store when he asks them "...what car is this alternator for", and they reply for instance "...a '66 122S". 



...but sometimes, he's just not in the mood to hear "his masters voice"!


What we drink at SwEm!



...from the 122S Owners Manual.






With apologies to comedian Jeff Foxworthy...You may be a Volvo-nut if:

1.  Your kitchen sink has doubled as a fuse-block final cleaning station.

2.  You decide you like movies like "All the Presidents Men" and "Mouse Hunt" just because of the starring vehicles.

3.  You know what a dash-pot is.

4.  You have as many pictures of your Volvo(s) in various poses and locations as your family.

5.  You were convinced your spine was shrinking until you replaced the seat cushion suspension bands.

6.  You talk back, in expletives, to new car commercials featuring "dual A arm front suspension".

7.  When someone says "I used to have one of those", you matter-of-factly observe that you still do!

Suggestions Welcome.

SUV (Swedish Utility Volvo) with overstuffed seats to rival the finest Barkalounger.





source:  Car & Driver Mar. 2001



Peter Egan [Road & Track] Tool Dictionary:   


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